By no means am I here to lecture or teach the art of parenting. I am, after all, not an expert. I’m a mother in training. I have had many lows as a mom, too many to count and many highs, which I’ve also lost count of. All have taught me greatly. The best lessons were the worst experiences. Yes, my friends, the worst experiences were what made me dig deeper into who I was and who I wasn’t – yet. I had so much to learn. Silly me thought to be a better parent I just had to be better than my own parents were to me. Ha! I was naive. So naive. Who knew? Who knew that I could raise the bar far beyond what I felt possible. I’m always raising that bar. The rewards are endless. Sure there’s been tricky bits but when you are a mom wanting to evolve, the task is more than doable. Just breathe and believe.
So here I go, sharing a little of what I know works in my world and I hope that there’s something in this material that can work in yours.
Wouldn’t it be great to allow our children to maintain their trueness? What a fabulous destination, to arrive at ones trueness without guilt, shame or consequences. Wouldn’t that be lovely? Better yet, wouldn’t that have been lovely? I will never know but I often wonder what it would have been like to have a voice in my home, I mean, one that was heard. Of course, then I wouldn’t be able to talk about this. My youngest says everything happens for a reason, mom. So here’s the reason it happened to me.
I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. Alcohol, violence, fear, shame, guilt, and love with conditions. That’s never fun, the love with conditions and that’s what I wish to write about today.
In my home with the girls, when it comes to love, there are no conditions. What I mean by that is, if they’re moody, withdrawn, or sporting a behaviour that I may find to be uncomfortable, I don’t withdraw my love or attention, waiting for them to come and make me feel better. In my experience, when I’m uncomfortable around my kids it’s about me not them. So if anything, I need to have an inner talk with myself first before I approach. I need to get myself calm and solid and then get curious about what’s up. I assess.
Sometimes they need space. I find they let you know quickly what they need and don’t need. When the push away, sure I get a little out of sort but that’s when I have another talk with myself. If the end goal is to have healthy, stable and open kids, one must wait until the child is ready. Push them and silence takes the lead.
