Self-awareness ends the dance of codependence. When you are self-aware you are consciously making cha cha cha choices, and no longer reacting from a state of survival. You trust the voice that speaks within (that’s telling you something isn’t right here). You pay attention to your body that remains calm in crisis and only tenses when boundaries have been crossed. You no longer look outside of yourself to find out who you are. In other-words, your car does not indicate who you are, your pay cheque, your career, your partner, your house, your bosses praise or criticism, your children screaming, your mother blaming you, no one tells you who you are accept for the true, you.
Now that’s a hard person to locate when you’ve been someone else for everyone else, in hopes of keeping the peace, reducing conflict, avoiding consequences and plain and simple, surviving because there appears to be no way out without significant loss. That’s ego. It loves to intrude and sabotage change and emotional development. It likes keeping you just where you are, which is why it’s so important to get to know who you are, so you can slam the door on those not invited. It’s like over-riding an old program with the latest updates.
So design your life. Create a new software program. What do you know for sure? Do you consider yourself to be a good or even a great mother, artist, driver, housekeeper, creative painter, receptionist, hairstylist, son, bus driver, crossing guard, telemarketer…? If you truly believe you are a great contributor to this skill, then no one can take that from you, not even in the heat of the moment and certainly not without your consent. Trust in what you know for sure. Let that be the foundation for challenging times that creep in on us all. Don’t let someone clump all of you into a label or a shame blame story. You are much more than their projection of their shame blame story.
If you don’t remember anything about this blog, try and remember this. Those who are tormented inside, will torment you. Those who love inside, will love you.
When you look for validation to come from the outside world, often the expectation is not met. No one will ever know what each task has taken your heart and soul to achieve, accept you. Which is why you need to be your biggest fan and your strongest advocate. Praise, although lovely, can sometimes build you up so much that it owns you, having someone else determining the stability of the structure. When that praise is gone, for whatever reason, who’s holding you up?
We are not selfish or arrogant for tooting our own horn. There’s a graceful way of doing it that doesn’t require an audience to be present. Be your best friend, your boss, your mom your mindful self and say, “Hey, I saw you cleaned out the entire garage today and made room for the new bikes. Great job! You amaze me with what you can do when you put your mind to it.” And then give yourself a pat!
Self-awareness is no easy task. It takes constant consulting with yourself, checking in, making sure you are okay in any given situation. Knowing what your triggers are, knowing how to calm them. Feeling what your feeling and not letting yourself disconnect in order to take the next blow. Most of this would be best to hash out with someone you trust and not someone who has their own agenda.
We are in a new era where people are speaking up, demanding change and setting clearer boundaries. Our voices are the pathway to freedom. Even a small step forward wakes the heart to beat a little truer.
Self-love conquers fear.
Namaste
Self-Awareness Breaks The Toxic Tango Of Codependence
