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One thing I know for sure is how to reduce conflict in heated situations. Here are some tips you may find helpful towards supporting your journey for a healthy relationship.
- Don’t react in the heat of the moment, respond when you’ve all cooled down – you’ll know when that is and trust that you’ll know.
- Don’t engage in hurtful blaming and shaming, it only keeps the hurt fueled and reduces trust even more.
- Warn ahead of time that you will be walking away if the conversation becomes toxic. No one will like you walking away, sometimes it may even escalate the other to even more abusive language and threats. Stay calm and hold your ground, that there will be no talking to both parties are calm. Even say something like, I love you but we are hurting each other right now and I don’t want to do that anymore so I’m leaving the room until I feel we can talk about this matter calmly and without hurtful comments.
- Don’t spend a lot of time on past matters. Focus more on how you want things to feel and look like going forward in the relationship (curious, supportive, playful, compassion, understanding, loving).
- Take time for you each and every day. Be your best friend.
- When you make a shift, everything and everyone will shift around you.
- Speak from your heart not your head. Meaning, you must truly believe what you are communicating to the other person. For example, “Sally, we’ve been dating for 5 months now and you still haven’t introduced me to your friends. Is there something I should know about your friends or is there a way you could make me understand why we haven’t met up with them yet? I’d love to meet them and I had hoped you were wanting that too.”
- Educate your partner. When they don’t know, they can’t grow. Don’t let them assume they know who you are. If you don’t like sex in the middle of the night, let them know and discuss what works for both of you. Not every touch subject has to be heated or have the weight of the world on it. Sharing information is key to deepening the relationship.
- You can be together for years and you will never read their minds and they won’t be able to read yours. If you want a hug, ask for one. If you want them to listen ask them, i.e. When would be a good time to talk to you about my day?
- Relationships thrive on safety and trust. So ask yourself, do I feel safe with my partner? Do I trust them? Do I trust myself and do I know how to protect myself?