Morning Pages, have you heard of them?
A couple of weeks ago I started writing them and I can’t believe the comfort they bring. They are like a new best friend. It’s truly amazing what can come up during these three, handwritten pages that offer me insight to my concerns and inspiration of things to come.
#Julie Cameron, to my knowledge, is the creator of morning pages. I’m sure there are others out there who do something quite similar but morning pages are a great start for me. It’s just really nice to have found this outlet, a true place to give form to the thoughts that spin daily through my mind and have had no place to go until now.
Tonight I share thoughts inspired by a fire burning on one side of me and my dog, Milo; napping, on the other. I have made time to sit still long enough to appreciate these two additions to my nightly routine.
Have you ever sat still long enough to hear your breath? To watch your precious pets belly rise and fall to life? It’s indulgently lovely.
Being still at night is a rare occasion that my mind, in the past, was very determined to have no part of. Everyone else would be at rest, yet for some reason that was not an option for me.
I say, “for some reason”, but I know the reason why it was so uncomfortable . It wasn’t an option growing up and today that pattern sometimes can still get the best of me. It’s amazing how our past stays in the shadows of our lives, often controlling not only our thought but our next move.
I think as woman we are not known for sitting still. We are caregivers, service providers, wives and mothers. There is little time for rest with such an extension job description or shall I say, expectation. We thought going out into the work world would be so liberating. Little did we know that society would still see as and expect us to continue our other duties. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom. I also love showing my girls that I am more than a mom and that my time and my mind matter as much as anyone else’s.
It’s an uncomfortable topic because we really don’t know much about self-care and when we do consider such a thought, more times than not, we push it aside and tell ourselves we’ll do it next month, or when George gets his pension or when my birthday comes, I’ll ask for money for my birthday, or when Bob’s away, I’l tell him I need more money for groceries and get that mini-manicure then. It’s amazing how many excuses we’ll tell ourselves just to avoid the mini-treat. Often it doesn’t end up being a treat though, does it. There’s so much guilt and shame for thinking we deserve such a luxury that we don’t end of enjoying the treatment anyway.
We can justify the new coat, the boots, Bingo, the lipstick, the scarf and maybe even the new car but don’t you agree that it’s more difficult to spend your time and money on a natural path for your diet, a massage for your aching back, fresh flowers for your table and therapy for your failing relationships? Most times that challenging relationship is with ourselves and still we’d rather spend our money on a new purse than invest in a new life!
It’s a battle and it needs awareness with a dash of TLC. Baby steps are necessary. We don’t want to frighten ourselves into never wanting to walk the path of “I matter enough” again.
What can you do today that would let you know you matter?