To be vulnerable with someone else, we need to be first vulnerable with ourselves.
We need to ask ourselves some very complex questions.
I personally found it helpful to reflect on an uncomfortable situation, understand it and then ask myself how I might do it differently going forward. Once I figured out how I would do it differently, I’d go to whomever I had the falling out with, “This is how I would have liked to handle myself.” I’d want them to know that I’m working on communicating and getting to know myself so I’m not always pointing the finger.
So, ask yourself… What’s this really all about?
Who am I in this situation? How do I feel? What was going on with me before I got to this point?
Did I feel scared? Threatened? Not seen? Foolish? Violated?
What triggered the urgency to retaliate and, has anything been resolved?
“If we are brave enough to peel back the layers upon layers of our stories we can discover and navigate our way through the “why’s” of our reactions.” – Pam Blanchard
We can connect and take back our power when we understand what triggers us?
We can repair a disconnection.
HOW?
By wanting our relationship to be more than it is now.
We use new communication styles that don’t make us feel as though we’rethe one always saying sorry, or breaking the ice for connection.
We become creative.
For example: We could say something like…. “This is not the way I wanted this scene to end up. You and I deserve more than that. I don’t want to yell at you. I think I know what’s happening for me. When I don’t think you’re listening it reminds me of feeling ignored by my mother. She never really acted like she cared about my thoughts and so when I see you looking away, I just want to scream! The anger hits me so quickly I become obsessed. Is there a way we can talk about this without either of us wanting to interrupt or feel like the bad person?”
This style of communication and approaches like it may seem slow because the seeds often need time to nourish and grow. People need time to transition out of gridlock and into some more effected.