I use the metaphor, “Are You In The Driver’s Seat Of Your Life” a lot. I believe it helps give my clients, my kids and me, some perspective on who’s calling the shots.
I believe we can’t possibly articulate to another how to best support our life, till we ourselves know how to drive it best first.
What happens when we haven’t been driving our life for years? Well, first things first, we need to want to drive our life. We need to want it so bad that will do what it takes to get back in our own seat. We’ll gain momentum when we’ve a stronger handle on what we want first, what need and then learn to ask for it in a way that validates us and the person who keeps wanting to drive our life. I know, this is no easy task, especially if we handed our keys over years ago. It’s very doable when you go at a pace that’s moving towards an intention larger than the problem itself.
No one is going to treat us the way we want to be treated until we ourselves know how to best treat ourselves.
How will we know we know ourselves well enough? When we know how to treat ourselves well, we’ll feel a sense of freedom. There will be no fear. We will feel safe. No sense of being selfishness or self-absorbed.
Please note: this process may feel uncomfortable. That’s normal. Looking after ourselves on this level is not something many people are familiar with. So it may feel like driving to California without Google Maps. Difference here is, you’re going at your pace and you get to lead the way. You’ll get there. Trust.
Here are some ideas to fuel the “wants” that may have been dormant within you for years.
- Automatic writing : without judgment, start writing and asking yourself, What do I want? Fantasize about things you want, that you desire. Think big and go deep!
- Imagine what it will feel like to have accomplished your desires.
- Take that moment of accomplishment or any fab moment and add that to your desires daily…or any chance you get.
- Each and every time you find yourself thinking a negative thought, replace it with your desire(s). I know, that’s a tuffy…and it’s also necessary to keep the energy up and momentum up. Any intervention helps – trust me!
- When you’re having a hard moment, don’t be hard on yourself. Mantra: I am light????
- Once you’ve discover things that you really want, like they make your heart jump, pick one and find a way to ask for it in a loving yourself way. Please note, this can be a daunting step. The first step is knowing you want it. The second is believing in it enough to ask for it. The next is to ask for it and the next is to accept that not asking for it is worse than asking.
- Don’t give up on asking for the things that you know will validate you matter. If you have to, get more creative — just don’t give up on you. I remember this part, I felt like I was walking a plank of nails the first few times. Painful but it would have been more painful to not ask.
- Sometimes asking can seem like you’re asking a parental figure – NOT FUN. So maybe this is a time to tell… and not ask. i.e. I just wanted to let you know I’m going to a yoga class tonight at 7 pm.
- When you ask or tell someone what you want, try and make sure it’s really what you want. If you set yourself up to fail, the energy field will be weak. If you know you want it and you believe it to your core, you will be more empowered.
- Practice. Practice. Practice…until you’re so good at knowing and asking for what you want that you can begin the process of teaching others in ways you never felt were possible.