I guess the first question you need to ask yourself is this:
Do you think it’s normal?
If your answer is no—then it’s time for some deeper questions:
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How does his request make you feel?
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What emotions rise to the surface when he asks?
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What does this request actually represent to you?
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When you hand over your phone, what’s the real objective?
Is it about proving something—your love, your loyalty, your trustworthiness, your worth?
Do you feel safe giving him access, or does it surface your own insecurities about the relationship?
Does his tone make you anxious?
Does it make you feel like you’ve done something wrong—even when you haven’t?
Do you worry that refusing will only escalate the situation?
Here’s the truth: when we prioritize someone else’s emotional comfort over our own, we stop checking in with ourselves and start checking out. We lose the balance. We abandon our inner compass.
So how do you manage these uncomfortable encounters?
Start with this: Trust yourself.
Trust what you know about who you are—your values, your integrity, your loyalty. Stand in that truth like a warrior. Believe yourself.
If you’ve done nothing wrong and his request still makes you uneasy, say so.
Tell him clearly: “I have nothing to hide, but the way you’re asking crosses a line. It makes me uncomfortable.”
And then say this too:
“If you’re struggling with trust or insecurity, that’s something for you to address. I won’t carry that burden for you. I care about you, but your fear is not my responsibility.”
Your role in a relationship is not to repeatedly sacrifice your privacy to soothe someone else’s anxiety.
Important to know:
He may get upset when you hold your ground. He may push harder, get creative, spin it into something about love or commitment.
But the mere fact that this conversation is happening—and that your nervous system is flaring—is a sign that something’s off.
To attract someone truly worthy of your time and your heart, you need to honor your own well-being first.
Protect your peace. Know what matters to you. Let that guide you in moments of uncertainty.
Because when you hold your power—that deep, quiet knowing—you create space for someone who wants to walk with you, not control you.
Be well. Stay safe.
Pam