There’s a certain type of relationship I’ve been thinking about—the kind that starts with a bang. The guy shows up with grand gestures: over-the-top compliments, surprise Amazon deliveries, dinners at high-end restaurants, even tickets to Cirque du Soleil. For many, it feels like a dream come true.

It’s the kind of fantasy many mothers quietly hoped for their daughters—because if there was money, there would be safety. If their girls were pampered and provided for, maybe they wouldn’t have to suffer. Maybe they’d be “looked after.” After all, who wouldn’t want to be spoiled with gifts and luxuries they never imagined for themselves?

But here’s where it gets complicated.

When you’re the one receiving all the extras, it can be hard to find your voice—especially when something doesn’t feel quite right. Speaking up feels risky. You start to question your value in the exchange: What do I bring to the table compared to all this? And so, you swallow your truth. You stay quiet to keep the gifts flowing, to avoid rocking the boat.

In relationships like these, indulgence can become a kind of silencing. It becomes tricky to stay connected to yourself when you’re being dazzled. For many women, the cost of those “dreamy things” is their authenticity, their needs, their voice.