I hear you summoning me to find my way back to you.
I’ve been gone for too long. Please forgive me. It’s been difficult to manage my life without having to check to see if you were included.
It’s complicated.
For a time, it didn’t seem like it even matter that we weren’t connected. For a time, it seemed like nothing matter, other than making others happy.
I’m tired though. I’ve spent a lot of my life making sure I was the good girl. Right education, right school, right thinking…. My job was to listen, not respond. Likely why I began drifting away.
Too much time has been spent trying to be something for someone else.
Funny, I thought my efforts would offer me a feeling of success but here I am, with still so much emptiness inside, and too much uncertainty to manage.
I’m feeling a little out of place, which isn’t comfortable for a girl that’s trying to get it right.
The thing is, I don’t know what I want to do with my life, and anything that sparks joy, makes me anxious.
The truth is, I’ve never been given the chance to know myself and be asked, what do I need.
I don’t trust what I know.
My relationships with others isn’t healthy either. I keep attracting people that continue the pattern of me feeling like I don’t belong. It’s like I don’t matter enough to keep their attention. It takes two secs to call or text and yet I see myself foolishly waiting, and waiting for someone else to acknowledge my existence, that I’m worth their efforts — It’s so crazy…
What’s even more confusing is, I actually do know I’m worth showing up for, so why do I keep falling into this pattern of feeling rejected?
Please tell me it’s possible to find a way through this.
My heart says, there’s a way. This brings ease over my body.
I’m being pulled towards you as I write this✨
I need you to know up front I’m committed but you also need tolerate that this will take some time.
I’m coming home.
Love me✨